The Cishet Male Selfie

Why do men hate taking selfies? Messing around on the internet one night, I decided to type this question into google. All I came up with was a bunch of articles talking about how men hate it when women take selfies. It was like I was looking at the patriarchy in clickbait form. Not only were people not asking why men didn’t take selfies, but they were more concerned about men’s opinions of other people who took did selfies. Talk about making it all about you.

The cishet male selfie is rare beast out in the wild internet. They don’t post photos of themselves in an outfit saying, “I feel handsome today”. Guys night out remains undocumented. It’s like we’ve selectively airbrushed ourselves off the internet. Why?

Since we live in a patriarchy, we men tend to denigrate anything that women are into. See the backlash against the Twilight novels and the Netflix She-ra reboot. We also have traditional values against vanity and being focused on personal appearance, going all the way back to the Narcissus myth in Ancient Greece. Being too obsessed with anything is bad to be sure, but what’s wrong with simply regarding your own self-image? What is wrong with trying to control it, if only for a brief moment?

In 2014, the #365FeministSelfie campaign was launched by Veronica Arreolla. It challenged the media stereotypes surrounding selfies. It encouraged women to take control of their own self image, use these photographs as expressions of their authentic selves and their bodily autonomy. Now you’d think men, with all our exhortations about individualism and self-sufficiency would be all about that, but not so much!

I think what really puts men off of taking selfies is the vulnerability of it all. Not only are you putting up an image of yourself for all to see, critique, and photoshop into compromising positions, but you are admitting to an aspect of your humanity. You dared to regard yourself. We men are all about policing each other’s humanity. Ever since we are children, if you admit to loving people, having fears, even having things that make you angry, that one emotion patriarchy allows you to have, that information can be weaponized against you. You are a target for ridicule, isolation, and worse.

Why do we accept this? If we value our freedom, our autonomy, why do we put up with our own erasure? When you get right down to it, a lot of Patriarchy is made up of social scripts that we follow simply without thinking. When we break those scripts, the illusion breaks down and we have to consider our place in society. When we do that, we look back on the old script and realize what it cost us emotionally to maintain it. We feel the freedom. And if you want to feel that freedom too, post that outfit if you’re enjoying how you look today, capture that post-workout flush on your cheeks at the gym, or just find your good side.

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