Iron Hermitage

Like children at Christmas we’re counting down the days until that karma wheel turns and Paris Hilton accepts her new job as prison currency. Granted, it’s only 45 days in the can, but that’ll be a month and a half of being secure in the notion that you can finally be jailed for bad taste.
Ever since her sex tape got leaked, Paris has been our very own sacrificial goat and we’ve been loving every minute of it. We’ve placed cameras all around her just to see how insensitive and spoiled she can be. The spectacle is almost Shakespearean in its pathos. She pleaded with Judge Michael T. Sauer in as many sentences as she could string together. Her mother accused Judge Sauer of jailing Paris for a salacious attention grab. Armies of lawyers are trying to claw her waxen corpse from the clutches of the San Francisco Correctional system. Competing petitions to Jail Paris or Free Paris were established (at last count, Jail Paris led by 4000 signatures).
I wonder if the aftermath of this situation will be as satisfying as we hope it to be. Hating Paris Hilton has almost become a national past-time. It has a cleansing effect on those of us who dig the ditches and serve the coffee. We feel proud of our ability to survive in the big bad world without the benefit of a Daddy Hilton or a Carl’s Jr. endorsement deal. Are we ready for the heiress to smarten up?
Prison movies aside, what would you do if you had to spend 23 hours a day in an 8 by 12 foot cell with one hour for exercise and shower each day? I’d probably be able to catch up on all of my reading, and barring prison contraband regulations I could have a portable DVD player and a netflix account. Above all I would get the time to think, a place outside society to adequately prepare for the pitfalls of the outside world. You could say it’s a little bit like grad school.
Is this something we want to happen to Paris Hilton of all people?