15 days between posts. Before that, 21 days between posts. For a guy who wanted to energize people with the story of his meteoric rise to entrepreneurial success, this is a serious gap in communication. This time I don’t think I should go on as before. I don’t think I should pretend nothing happened. I failed a personal goal of mine, and I need to figure out why. At the very least, it saves me from having to think up a new post idea.
If I’m to stop posting on this blog for a while, it should be for one of two reasons. One is that I’m off doing exciting and wonderful things that I’m sure to tell you all about when I get back. The second is that I just looked at that keyboard with a sidelong glance and thought in my heart of hearts, “Screw this, I’m playing Super Robot Wars”.
Luckily, the truth of this latest post drought sort of blends the two. I’ve been pretty busy these past couple of weeks. I’ve written two speeches for Toastmasters (in other news, I’ve joined toastmasters), I’ve launched a website of one of my favorite local restaurants, (Ann Marie’s cafe, a 50s diner with a chocolate peanut butter milkshake to die for) and I’ve got three projects on the go through my subcontracting work.
But even with all this I should have had time to put out 5 posts a week. I’ve been keeping up with 750 words in all that time. Surely something should have dropped out of my keyboard that I could post on this blog!
Yet I didn’t. After I wrote the “just start” post I “just stopped” writing for the blog. Why? An uneasy feeling came over me when it came time to write every night. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. When I decided to write about why I wasn’t posting, it hit me: That “Just Start” post was one of the most intellectually dishonest things I had ever written. And I had taken a university course on beat poetry!
I was turning my writing into something I hated. It was going to be another one of those blow-hardy, self-help entrepreneurial blogs. This is an entrepreneurial blog only in the sense that it is what I’m doing right now at this point and time. The world doesn’t need one more blast of hot air screeching “YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU JUST WANT IT ENOUGH!!”. Or, God help me, it would turn into something like Seth Godin’s blog. I think Seth’s work on permission marketing is definitive, but when I read his daily exhortation, he talks so much about linchpins, ships, and lizard brains, I feel like I’m reading a letter from the World of Warcraft.
Besides, blogs like that don’t come from any place real. The Seth Godins, the Guy Kawasakis, or even the DHH’s of the world have already arrived where they are. They don’t have to worry about where their next buck is coming from, or even if they can live in a house sometime this century. I’m still fighting for my place in this world. I’m looking for my talents, my shortcomings, and my livelihood. Most importantly, I’m looking for my voice. After all, this as a blog of essays. It comes from the word Essayer, French for “Attempt”. Maybe with enough writing, enough attempts, I’ll find my voice, but I am only going to find it with more posts.